Day 90............I made it!!!!!!!

Well, day 90 is here!!! How did I do????

DAY 90 RESULTS

WT: 161 LBS.

INCHES LOST: ALOT!!

SIZE 11, ALMOST INTO A SIZE 9/10!

Here is a comparison shot from Day 1 of this challenge to today!

So let's recap! I am in a size 11 and it's fitting loose now......no more muffin top hanging over! YIPEE!! I give it another month or so and I'll be in a 9/10. That will be a milestone. I don't recall ever wearing a 9/10 and if I did I wasn't old enough to care what size I was wearing. Ok I'll start from top to bottom.......

Size XL shirt to a L (they are starting to get big on me)

Size 44DD Bra to a 38D bra (still a bit snug, but this will change too)

Size 9 underwear to a size 7 underwear

Size 18 jeans to start (1 year ago), now wearing a size 11 (depending on brand)

Size XL yoga pants to a size L yoga pants

Size 8 shoe to size 7 shoe (don't ask me how I lost a shoe size)

Ring size went from size 7 to a size 6

My face is smaller, everything is smaller!!

In this challenge, I have hit some great highs and some awful lows. I started off this challenge sick as a dog, terribly bloated and not sure what in the hell I was doing. I thought I had a hang on things but apparently I did not. I started taking my training and my eating more seriously and things started happening. I started setting smaller goals and reaching them, which gave me more motivation to shoot for higher goals. I've had ups and downs with the scale, but overall, my inches have continued to come down and my clothes are still getting loose on me. I'm tired of things that fit a month ago falling off of me now. WAH WAH WAH........I know, bad problem to have right? (Note the sarcasm there) LOL...........Not only did I set some goals that were obtainable and that I could live with, I signed up for my first 5K race (read back a couple blogs). I also attended a caregiver retreat that really reset my way of thinking about things. I realized that I need to stop obsessing about my weight loss and that I just need to live and take care of myself and things will continue to move in the right direction.

So here is to another successful challenge in the books, more weight gone and learning more self acceptance! I will be starting a new challenge tomorrow and I'm not sure if I will be continuing this blog or starting a completely new one. I hope the new one is full of motivation, success and more self discovery. I'm in a great place and I'm so happy that this challenge ended on a positive note!!

Much love to my followers!!!

Day 86.........Survival of the Zombie Apocalypse!!

WOOHOO!!!!! I did it!!! I survived!!! I ran 3.1 miles, ran through sand, jumped hills, crawled through mud, dodged zombies and electrically charged ropes, etc and survived!!! So I will try to remember every detail about the run!

My friend and I left my house about 9:30. We had to stop to grab some water (it had to be an unopened 1L bottle of water) and we were off! Our nerves were on edge!

The off road park where this even was happening was in Clermont, Florida. About an hour from where we live. It wasn't too hard to get too, until we got on a rural road where we both lost cell service at the same time.............right about here!

A few miles up the road we start seeing road signs for "WARNING: ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AHEAD!" YIKES!!!! :) Our excitement was over the top!! Little did we know that we would have to hike a fortnight to get to the actual event. We had to park in this hay field and hoof it to where the run took place. Thank goodness we were walking with other zombie bait.........I compared it to what cattle must feel like walking to the auction block. :D

We finally make it to the first tent where we fill out our waiver form then make our way to the registration table where we picked up our race bib, timing chip, t-shirt and some other goodies. We pinned our bibs on put our timing chips in our shoes and we were ready!

 I don't think it had hit me at this time that I was about to go run 3.1 miles! Silly girl.............I think my brain had already submitted to the zombies! HA! The website said to arrive 2 hours before your wave time and our wave time was at 1:30 and me being the "always on time" girl, we got there WAY too early and had lots of time to kill. We got to check out the festival atmosphere, watch some of the other "bait" run the course and see what we were up against. That probably wasn't the best idea. We were already deciding who we would try to run with and use as "bait". :) Hey, don't judge......in survival mode you gotta sacrifice others! We saw all kinds of crazy costumes but I'm pretty sure that dead sexy was representing!!

So it came time for us to line up for our wave. We had to decide what line we wanted in. There was the "appetizer" line for those who can run a mile in 10:00 or less, the "entree" line for runners who can run a 11:00-12:00 minute mile, and the "dessert" for those that run a 14:00min or longer mile. LOL We probably should have gone in the "dessert" line but we opted for the entree line. Basically you go in this tunnel/chute that is dark and hot.......Your lined up like cattle pretty much until they tell you to GO!

The nerves are amped up, everyone is clapping, jumping around, hooting and hollering and before we knew it the countdown starts.......10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...........RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!! The gates opened in a cloud of smoke and we were OFF!!! You cross the start line and the chip in our shoes made a beep signalling that we were being timed. Right away I knew I was very unprepared when it came to the running part! Sand and grass/hay is HARD to run in. Jenn had seen some zombies up ahead because she is so tall, so I knew we were going to have to sprint right from the start. Ok, so I'm not a sprinter, I don't claim to be one. I only play one on t.v..........:) Oh my, these zombies were especially gruesome and gory! Mad props to the make up artists and special effects. Adrenaline kicked in and you just had to RUN! Of course after you made it past a group, everyone stopped and walked............what was crazy is the first 5 min or so of the race seemed the hardest! It was curvy, sandy, hot and full of zombies. No obstacles yet and I was ready to die! We make it around the lake and at this point I have already lost 1 flag.............AND my pants keep falling down. This was not a good thing, considering we hadn't even made it half a mile! LOL Some of these zombies were especially brutal! Some didn't really run after you and we discovered that if you acted like you couldn't breathe or if you limped that they would let you by without grabbing too hard for your flags.......:) HEY, don't judge, it's for survival!!! LOL We made it to our first water station and at this point, I've lost a flag, my pants are falling down and a zombie has made me almost piss my pants! After our first water station, we come to some sand dunes!!! WITH ZOMBIES!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! Like sand isn't already hard to get through without having to fight off zombies......we try to sprint through the sand and have to splash through what's left of a sandy mud puddle. Only one ankle got really wet, just enough to irritate me. Then we are up another set of nasty hills where there are zombies waiting off the trail to munch my feet. Now mind you, this took place in an off road park so there are hills and trails everywhere. They are not even. :) So we start up this hill and this is where I lose my 2nd flag. I'm walking up the hill at this point. LOL I'm so hot and sweaty, tired, exhausted that I can't catch my breath and the guy in front of me says "WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU", too late............then I am almost pushed down by some crazy runner who pushed me, I'm guessing he was hoping I would be zombie bait........so I kept going. The strategy for most runners was to walk between zombies, sprint through them and save your energy for the sprints and obstacles. So I adopted that strategy too. Somewhere along the way I lost my last flag so at that point I was "infected" but Jenn still had one! So I became her defense. I had nothing left to lose so I would run on her side when I saw a zombie trying to grab her flag. I was like a cheetah on her side. What was so funny, we ran hand in hand during so many times during the race! There was a maze that was kind of boring, no zombies, no tricks...........then there was a hayfield that was like walking in a mind field! Seriously, all kind of holes, just right for rolling your ankle and it was all covered with hay and zombies. Seriously at this point, we were becoming sick of zombies LOL.........we made it through the hayfield and we see signs for 2 miles!!! HOLY CRAP! We've made it 2 miles! Then there is the inevitable fork in the road. Most of us went to the left, one guy went to the right..........stupid lambs......we had 8 zombies on our road.......he had 1.......should have stayed to the right. LOL
After this, we encountered 3 doctor zombies. i thought about stopping to ask them some questions but they looked rather hungry and looked like they had eaten the last victim to stop and ask them a question so i booked right past them......THEN the dreaded MUD hole!!! OMG! BLACK water!!! I knew it couldn't be avoided, so i just jumped in and got on my stomach and started crawling. Almost instantly my side cramped up. The only thing I can think is that from being so overheated and hot, sweaty that the water was so cold that it was too  much of a shock to my system. It was all I could do to crawl under the barbed wire through that water. I literally dug my feet in the muck, gripped the mud and sand with my fingernails and pulled with all my strength because I literally could NOT breath the pain in my side was so bad. I was telling myself YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Jenn held the barbed wire up so I wouldn't catch myself on it and crawled out completely soaked! But wow, what an adrenaline rush!!!! Then we hit nothing but sand!!!!!!!!!! We had to run up a thick sand hill, back down and scale this beast!!!

It wasn't as hard as it looks, and we were fortunate they were in the middle of a zombie shift change so we were able to just scale right up it with no hordes chasing us! We knew were were almost done. We came around another corner and came across some fat zombies. Never underestimate fat zombies. Just because they look fat, doesn't mean they can't run!!! So mind you, Jenn still has her last flag and mine are gone. We get to one of the last zombie girls and she says "do you have any flags left?" I say "no, i'm dead". she gives me a flag back! She says now RUN and WIN!!! :) See zombies do have a heart!!! The last zombie of the day gave me a run for my money. He really freaked me out and I hope the photograper taking pictures got a good one! He had 3 heads and was spitting something. He was so creepy. We had a slight standoff and I had to figure out which way to run! I took off to the right and he didn't chase me, just spit at me. YUCK!!! He must have had some kind of spitter thing, because it was like salt water or something....LOL Then we come to the HOUSE!!! NO! I've seen this thing on YouTube from other races!! Basically it is a wooden box made to look like a house. It has these "windows" you must crawl through that are about 4 feet off the ground. That's not the hard part. It's pitch black, and they let off fog in there. AND there are electrical charged ropes/nylon cords hanging from the ceiling in various spots!!! OUCH! I knew better than to touch them after watching youtube videos but Jenn got hit with one! LOL We came out of that and still had like 3 zombies left to run through. We made it through and then realized that's it! A few more obstacles and we are DONE!!! Our next obstacle was the big ladder/water slide combo!!

This was a blast, Jenn and I went down holding hands! The muddy water at the bottom was gross, smelly and I got a face full!! We were up and out of this and onto the next obstacle!

Yep, you guessed it..........crawling on hands and knees under these. This is where i obtained my first and only injury. There was a nail on the ground at the entrance of this obstacle and wouldn't you know it was me that put my hand on it. enough to stick it IN my hand. I pulled it out, it wasn't rusty and Yes I've had my tetanus shot. But it hurts this morning! OUCH! I managed to crawl through this and this is the point that tears really started to come! I can't believe I can see the finish line of my first obstacle course and 5K!!! Right after coming out of this, there is a short dash to the electrically charged crawl under the fence to the finish!!

WOOHOO!!!! And we have crossed the finish line at 1 hour 17 minutes!!!! And this is what the after looked like!

Right after the race!!! What a thrill!

My new $150 shoes that I bought 2 days before the race.......

Jenn donating her shoes to the pile, I did NOT donate mine.

This is what kicking zombie ass looks like!

We hugged, we cried and we were in tears because this was the first race for both of us. We have both been overweight, unhappy with our looks and our bodies and we both changed ourselves. So this was a huge accomplishment for us! We not only ran 3.1 miles, but we dodged zombies, we sprinted, we climbed obstacles, we got dirty and we stepped out of our comfort zone!! Never be afraid to jump out of that comfort zone and try something new. You might find that you like it and might learn some new things.

The one thing that really humbled me yesterday was this........before our race we were watching some of the other waves finish the race and we heard everyone hollering and cheering, so we walked over. What we saw brought tears to our eyes. There was a young man almost finished with the course. He was going down the water slide portion and it wasn't until he got out of the water that we saw he was a double amputee, he had prosthetic legs all the way up to his hips and he was wearing a "Team Marine" shirt. He was surrounded by other fit young men that were wearing similar shirts and they were all helping him get through the obstacle and getting him out of the water. Everyone was cheering him on. It gave me goose bumps! When he came to the part where you have to crawl under, he laid on his back and acutally pulled himself under those crossbeams with his arms! His teammates were right there on either side of him motivating him on and cheering him on, the crowd was going wild!! When he got to the last obstacle, he laid on his stomach and pushed himself through the obstacle with his hands and arms, but he finished. His buddies helped him up and they all walked across the finish line TOGETHER!! That really made me check myself. If this guy could do with prosthetics, I could do this with my 2 legs!! Never doubt yourself!!!

So a few last pictures!!!

The stage!

zombies in a cage!

love this shirt!

A nice zombie nurse!

celebratory survival drink!

survivor!

my survival medal!

creepy zombie!

creepy little zombie kid!

gma and her granddaughters getting into the spirit of the day!

me and some zombies!

jenn and some zombies!

my shoes did not fair so well!

my race swag!

the pile of shoes grew!!

Day 84.......my last supper.......zombies, brains!!

Tonight I enjoyed my last supper as a human! :)

Tomorrow I am stepping OUT of my comfort zone and doing something I never thought I would EVER do! I am running my first 5K! I am running the Run For Your Life Zombie 5K/Obstacle course. Basically, I will be running 3 miles while dodging zombies that will be trying to take my "life" (aka my health flags) while running through mud, climbing over hay bales, through mud, swimming through water and dodging electrical obstacles! There will be 12 man made obstacles, lots of mud, zombie guts, blood and BRAINS!! :) I will be in horror movie heaven!!

You ask WHY would I purposefully put myself into a horror movie? First off, I am a HUGE fan of all things horror. The more gore, the better.........:) Second, I LOVE LOVE LOVE zombies, vampires, monsters, ghosts, etc. and third, now that I've lost this weight I want to push myself to see if I can do an actual run instead of just dreaming about doing something like this. I don't claim to be a runner, I just play one on t.v.

So tonight for dinner, my friend and I went to dinner at the Olive Garden where we loaded on up salad, bread sticks, bruschetta, and PASTA..........oh and we each had a draft beer (you know for carbs). ;) This was one of the many tips that I received in my prep for this race, load up on carbs the night before the race. I have my shoes and let me tell you those were some expensive shoes! I hated spending $150 on running shoes just knowing they will be covered in mud and muck but I know I'll get a lot of use out of them. Next was $50 for a good running bra so I don't knock myself out or give myself black eyes. Some knee braces, a white shirt that we decorated with some red paint for blood affect. And I think we are all set! Pictures will be posted soon!

Am I ready for this? I sure hope so. Chances are that I will cross the finish line with no health flags and I will become "infected" and become a zombie BUT I will cross the finish line full of pride knowing that I accomplished something that I never thought I would ever be able to do! I will be able to walk around knowing I just ran 3 miles, climbed obstacles and fought off hordes of zombies and made it through!

Zombies, watching out..........Team Dead Sexy is coming for you!!!!

Day 79......Make a Forever Impact.......

Let me start this blog by saying..............................

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY TO ALL THE VETERANS WHO FOUGHT AND DIED FOR OUR COUNTRY AND WHO WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT AND DIE FOR THIS COUNTRY AND OUR FREEDOMS!

I hope that I can tie all the messages that I want to share into this blog without confusion and with some eloquence. :)

I have so much on my mind, this week has been such a reflection for me. I'm still trying to adjust to being home from my caregiver weekend in Nashville and it's been a difficult adjustment. I do realize that I am not alone and that I have love and support when I don't feel strong. I do realize that I am much stronger than I ever realized. I realize also that it's OK to take care of me, to let down those walls and to take off the mask that we as caregivers wear all the time. It's really o.k. Life will continue to go on, and things will keep moving as they should.

So now time to ask the inevitable question that we all ask ourselves from time to time when we fail at things that we think we should succeed at.........WHY DON'T WE CHANGE?

We can ask ourselves this question about anything.........weight loss, finances, jobs, kids, finishing school, setting goals.........etc.......pretty much anything....

We don't change because most of us tell ourselves that "It's OK to continue bad habits because nothing bad happened today". Think about that statement. I know I have thought about that statement a lot. Especially when it comes to eating habits. I see a snack pack of Oreos and think........hrmmmm, if I eat those Oreos, the scale won't change today, it won't show a 5lb gain, so I'll be o.k. I can work that off tomorrow.  It's like a vicious cycle.......we continue to keep making bad choices because that bad choice or that bad habit didn't make the world stop spinning TODAY. We survived, we escaped the day unscathed.......we tell ourselves we'll do better TOMORROW, but tomorrow comes and goes and we are now stuck in a cycle of "nothing bad happened today, so I can work that off tomorrow". Before we know it we are overweight, not fitting in our clothes and miserable with ourselves....asking "How in the hell did I get in this position?" We have to break the cycle and stop reaching for the bad choices.

Have you ever seen die-hard sports fans? They are for one team or another........they don't play both teams, they either love or loathe certain teams. Think of eating habits like that. You can love food and you can love eating, but you have to have a healthy respect for both of these things. You can't continue to keep making bad choices, eating crap and then trying to make healthy choices. It's like your playing for both teams. Someone is going to lose and if your like the majority of Americans, the crap food is going to get a new team member! You have to fight hard for the healthy choices. It may seem like you are giving up the things that you love, but you don't have to. It's all about changing and doing it at a pace that you can live with.

We all have this invisible clock over our heads. We can't see it, no one can. Only one person can see that clock and it ticks down....every second, every minute of the day. Do you know when that clock stops? When we take our last breath. Time is precious, and we never know how much time we have left to impact a life. The choices we make today can make an impact on our own life or the life of someone else. All of the choices we make in life, all the choices we make in our daily eating habits have a forever impact. With our daily eating habits, the choices you make today can affect your health forever. If we get so distracted and consumed by our bad habits and choices, we lose the ability to make healthy choices and succeed, whether it be with food, money, etc.

You never know who might cross your path on any given day and how something you might say or do might impact that person's life forever. I would like to think that through this blog that I might impact someone's life in that it might give them courage to start their own journey of finding them self or getting healthier and helping others. 

Hopefully this wasn't too confusing........this seemed harder today..........not sure why......... :/

Day 75...........Lost in the fog............

So here I sit.......I have been home since Monday evening.........no words can really truly describe how I am feeling at the moment so I apologize in advance for the messiness of this posting. :)

My emotions, my words, everything in my head is all jumbled up and swirling around like a whirlpool. I can't seem to form thoughts that make sense and I have a sense of loss upon my return home. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad to be home with my family but everything looks and feels different. I don't know how that is possible but that's how it feels. I fully expected to come home and pick back up where I left off with my day to day routine.......home school, chores, gym, sitting outside, laundry, obsessing with my weight loss journey and just living life how I've known it to be for the last year or so. I couldn't have been more wrong. From the moment that plane touched down in Tampa, the tears started falling. I was shocked that I was still shedding tears when I should be so overjoyed to be returning to my family! But yet, they kept coming. I was fortunate enough to fly home with 2 of the ladies that I spent time with at the retreat and what a blessing that was. It was so hard to say goodbye to them.........even though we will see each other again and will talk frequently.

So why am I feeling this way? I know this particular blog strays off the weight loss journey, but I feel that this is vital to my success. I have changed and I do not yet know how but I feel that it will be an integral part of my continued weight loss story. So back to why I'm feeling this way. This past weekend's experience was something that was simply amazing! I could blog about every detail but I could never truly explain how amazing it was. It was a weekend full of realization, opening up, tearing down walls, looking at myself, learning that it was o.k. to think about me and to care for ME! I was pampered, catered to and supported by a group of women that walk the same journey that I do. What an amazing feeling that is. Just to know that you are not alone and that there are others out there that have felt the anger, sadness, and desperation and all the other emotions that go with being a caregiver to a wounded warrior. Even though we all got here by a different path, we all are walking the same path. There is not one of us that have less of a story. We all have different struggles and different issues that we deal with but we all have the same feelings and emotions. What I realized is that we have all felt alone, afraid, angry, sad and desperate. It's o.k. to feel that way. Now we know that we are NOT ALONE and that we have this amazing support system within each other. At anytime we can pick up the phone or get online and reach out and there will be a new sister to hold our hand, to give us a shoulder to cry on, or just to vent with us or remind us to use our new breathing exercises or knee tapping skills to calm down and come back to the here and now. These women have been a God send for me. And even as I am home now and trying to decompress and re-adjust, I am leaning on these women for support and love because I am feeling lost in the fog. I just don't know where to pick back up and that's o.k. too. Change is never easy, if it was then we wouldn't struggle with change so much.

It's funny, I had all these eloquent things to say in here and yet again my mind is wandering, thinking back to this weekend and all my new sisters and all the wonderful memories I have and all the knowledge I gained. Thinking of just how much I was missing out on because I just put up walls all around me because accepting things we don't like to see is painful. I never knew that I needed the support of women like these in my life. I just thought I could handle it all on my own. I was a military wife, I'm a mom, I've given birth, I've been through deployments, I've got a wounded warrior so I should be STRONG!!! I realize that I am strong, but yet I still need support and love. I know that I can't handle it all on my own. I never want to admit to myself or anyone else that I can't always handle everything. I need help sometimes........some days I just have to crawl.........some days I don't even want to get out of bed........but I do so I know I have the strength.....but I have to admit I need to reach out to the ones that get it and let them support me now. That I don't have to walk this journey alone and that I am not alone.

I hope that I gain some realization in the upcoming days and weeks of how I have changed because right now I'm just kind of at a standstill. My house looks different, everything looks different. I never ever imagined coming home would be harder than leaving to go to this retreat, but I now realize that this is what this retreat was for! We all had to be open to this experience, to know that it would be OK to focus on ourselves and maybe then we might see what we have been missing or hiding with our "masks" that we wear everyday...........masks are not fun to wear, they hide so much and I have been hiding from so much. It's time to take off the mask, and let go of those fears, anxieties, sadness, anger and let my new sisters love and support surround me and carry me through these re-adjustment days and the rest of the days to come.......

This blog is going out to all my sisters in strength. You are all my angels and I am so thankful that God put you in my path. I am blessed to know you all and I miss you terribly! We shared something inspiring and amazing and I will never ever forget it. You all had an impact on my life. Thank you for loving and supporting me!

Day 73.......There's no place like home.....

Today I leave to go home..............never thought that would be such a bittersweet sentence.

I am excited to go home and see Damon and the kids and my dogs.....sleep in my tempurpedic bed again.......excited to be back on track with my shakes and not eating gourmet food every meal......

It is bittersweet because today I have to say goodbye to 19 women that have become fast friends over the last 2 days. 2 days ago I didn't now any of them and today as I leave, I'm leaving with 19 new threads to keep me strong. This weekend has given me so much. It has shown me that I'm not alone and that there are others that struggle with being a caregiver to a wounded warrior. Even though our stories vary so differently and we all walk different paths through life, we still come to the same conclusion. We need each others support and love as caregivers. This weekend has been full of laughter, fear, anxiety, trepidation, tears, opening up, sharing and learning how to relax and learning how to cope with some of the things that we deal with on a daily basis. I never knew that we has caregivers develop secondary PTSD and that we also develop compassion fatigue.

What is compassion fatigue? Compassion is fatigue is simple the ability to lose compassion when caring for others. It's also known as caregivers burnout. Apparently it's very common among the healthcare field and for anyone who has ever taken care of someone else, be it an elderly parent or someone with a disability. What I realized yesterday are things that I thought about myself and chalked up to just getting older and not having patience with people like I used to.........nope....all signs of compassion fatigue........it's normal..............you start to lose your ability to have compassion for those that you care for because you are so burnt out on giving so much of yourself and not taking the time to focus on yourself. That is why they stress so much to put yourself first and care for yourself. But anyone who is a caregiver knows that we are not meant that way. We give give give until we have nothing left to give. We let ourselves go, we develop depression, we develop anxiety and we start using (in my case) our spouse's illness as a reason why we don't or can't.........so in turn, that is our secondary PTSD kicking in. We develop negative coping skills that try to keep us from hurting and usually only end up hurting us worse. So this weekend, I have learned some coping mechanisms that I never thought about that I will try to put to use in my life. I have learned that I need to let him do more and not be so afraid and worry so much about his pain. I tend to worry so much about his pain that I stop enjoying whatever I'm doing because I'm so focused on him. I have learned so much this weekend that i can't possibly blog about it all, but maybe in the next few blogs....I will be able to share this information as it comes to me. It's just been so much to absorb!

Ok, so back to what we did yesterday........I woke up early because the time change......UGH!!!
Met everyone downstairs and went to breakfast at the Cascades and consumed another wonderful breakfast, only this time I requested egg whites. :) That made me feel a little better. LOL. After breakfast, it was back upstairs for group again and we learned about dealing with pain and how we can cope with it. Not just physical pain, but emotional and mental pain. We talked about how to move forward and not get stuck in cycles, we talked about what is our language of love and that is something that I'm going to be researching more because I think I fall into several categories of that....More tears were shed as each of us women had more realizations and let down more walls and opened up to others. It felt good to share things that we have never shared to women that we knew wouldn't judge, they would just "get it".......so after group, we went back down to Cathy's suite and had another fabulous lunch......tomato soup of some sort in a bread bowl, with some pasta, salads, sandwiches, etc......(did I mention that I did have both shakes today LOL).....after lunch we had some free time, so my new friend and I went exploring and I did some souvenir shopping......Back up to Sue's suite at 2:00 for compassion fatigue session and to learn some relaxation techniques. This is when I learned that my lack of patience and my intolerance over the last few years has not bee due to my getting older, but simply one of the many symptoms of compassion fatigue......my weight loss and depression that I experienced was yet another symptom. So after the compassion fatigue, a large group of us went downstairs to explore some more and we walked around, snapped pictures, shopped and had a blast. We laughed, we shared more stories, and I kept hearing the same thing. "I'm going to miss you all", and "I can't believe I'm so sad to leave" and "I don't want to go home yet".....it's like we were all brought here as strangers and we are all leaving wanting to hang onto that thread that there is someone out there that we can talk to that understands......So back up to the room to freshen up and we all met down in the lobby at 5:45 in our pink wounded warrior shirts and our robes for our pizza/PJ party in the presidential suite.....we had a great presentation about all the resources available to us and I think we all learned some valuable information about some much needed information. The night closed with the staff (Cathy, Sue, Dana, Katie, Nina) all sharing with us their experience of this weekend and telling us how beautiful, amazing and strong we are. They all told us that they were humbled just being in our presence and that we are all such strong resilient women and as a group, our strength is beyond amazing. We were all moved to tears...........we ended it on a happy note. Nina showed us all how to make survivor bands and they symbolize how strong we all are and that even though we are strong, we know that we have all these threads on the inside that are supporting us, meaning that we have all these new sisters that are behind us and supporting us as caregivers........

So we split up for the night and some of us decided we just weren't ready to say goodbye so we took more pictures and hung out until about 2 a.m. and had coffee. I have formed some lifelong friendships from this weekend and I am so blessed and grateful to have been able to come on this trip. These women have all impacted my life in ways I probably can't even see yet. I'm really going to try to take home everything that heard and learned and apply them so that we can grow as a family and learn to live within our new normal.

And yes, I will be glad to be going back to NORMAL EATING!!!! :)

Day 72...........sick of food!!!

I never thought I'd see that heading for my blog!!! But YES.....I'm sick of food!!! LOL In a good way however.

This weekend has been full of wonderful food! Every meal has had a menu already planned with extravagant food and I feel so foolish wasting any of it because I know the WWP has paid for it and it's so good! So I'm managing to get my shake in my coffee in the morning but the last 2 days it's only been one serving of Vi shake mix........I'm trying to only eat half  of my portions and not the entire meal so as not to overfill. I did make it to the gym yesterday and ran on the treadmill, so hopefully the excessive food will not catch up with me!

Day 2 was full of activities yesterday. I woke up at 4 a.m. and then at 6 and started getting ready for the day. We all went down as a group for breakfast yesterday morning to a restaurant in the hotel called Cascades. It was one of the best breakfasts that I have eaten in a long time. We spent about an hour eating and talking. There never seems to be a lack of conversation with this group of women, we have such a connection and share so many things that it's like we are trying to fit in years and months of hanging out with friends in just 4 days! After breakfast, we went up to the suites and met in our groups for a 2 1/2 hour counseling session. It was emotional to say the least. Everyone went around the room and shared their story of how their warrior got injured, who we were before we were caregivers and who we want to be. It was so hard hearing other women's stories and seeing the similarities. At the same time, I realized just how blessed I am for Damon's injuries to not be as bad as some of the other warriors. We don't deal with TBI's and PTSD but we still deal with our own issues. It was nice to break down walls and let go of some feelings that we have all been holding on to for a very long time. I saw a group of women that are so strong and so inspiring. It was simply amazing.

After group, it was time for lunch in Cathy's suite. I was still stuffed from breakfast, but again I did not want to pass up any food that they have offered us. I had some pasta salad, a little bit of a sandwich and a brownie!! GASP!!! It was the best piece of chocolate I have ever had LOL......Lunch was short and sweet as I wanted to hit the gym before my spa treatment. I headed to the gym and got on the treadmill and ran/walked a mile, mostly ran. It hurt but I know I can't stop working at getting fit, even when I'm away for the weekend. After my run, I headed over the spa where I was catered to at ever turn. This spa is amazing. I didn't even need to get ready in my room if I didn't want to. They had robes, towels, shampoo, razors, body wash, perfume, hair products, curling irons, etc.....if they didn't have they would get it for you. I undressed and went into the eucalyptus steam room. WOW. I have never been in one of those and that was probably one of the coolest experiences ever. Talk about sweating LOL.........I hope that I sweated off some of that food I ate. I could only tolerate about 5 minutes in the steamroom and then I was escorted over to the "relaxation " suite in my robe and slippers and given whatever I wanted to drink. Lights were dim, soft music was playing. I was in heaven.....then my turn came. I had a gentleman doing my massage. I wasn't weirded out at all, he was nice enough. I get in the room and he leaves so I can get under the sheets (totally naked LOL). The room was nice and warm, dim and some soft music was playing. He proceeded to give the best massage I've ever had. I got a little freaked out when the massage involved my thighs, but he was very professional and realized to let go, he does this everyday and he was never going to see me again. My massage was an hour long. I found myself drooling in the little face pillow when time was up. For the first time in a long time, my brain wasn't doing laps in my head. It stopped! It just focused on the music, the smells, and trying to absorb this entire experience so far. It was so nice.....

After the massage, I headed back to the steam room and met up with some of the other girls getting their treatment and we sat in the steam room until we were dripping with sweat. What a cleansing experience. By then it was 3:00 and it was time to head to my room to get ready for our evening out. I got all cleaned up, dressed up and we met back in the suites at 4:45 to head down to dinner at Jack Daniel's for some good southern cooking. Dinner consisted of potato skins and onion rings (on the table), then followed up by a lettuce wedge with bacon and tomatoes. The main course consisted of a piece of bbq chicken thigh and leg with 3 baby back ribs, potato salad, mac and cheese. WOW!! Then as a killer finale.........pecan pie with jack daniels in it! The first time I have ever eaten pecan pie and it was delicious. A little on the rich side but so good!! The alcohol was so strong in the pie I fully expected to get a buzz from it. Dinner was some what rushed because we had tickets to a 7:00 show at the original Grand Ole Opry. So we all loaded on this big coach bus and made the trip over. However it started storming so it was pouring!!! We made it in and it was so crowded and we were already running behind so I didn't get a lot of pictures of the Ryman theater. The Grand Ole Opry was awe inspiring. To know that so many famous country musicians had played there and sang there was overwhelming. We saw several great acts and it was an excellent show. The pews we sat in were rather hard on the rear, but it was a great time.

We got back on the bus and headed back to the hotel. Several of the girls and I walked around and found a bar in the hotel called "The Falls" and we all had a drink. It was such a special occasion because for some of us, we have forgotten what it's like to go out with the girls and have a drink.....most of us have lost our friends due to what we go through as caregivers so this was a much needed drink and long overdue!! We again shared stories of what we have gone through and the stories vary and even though we share so much about our warriors and our lives, we still laughed and acted like silly teenage girls......we aren't used to talking about things we enjoy so sometimes it's hard to pull that out of them all, but by midnight we were all laughing like old friends. I have made some wonderful new friends and it amazes me that I will shed some tears for women that I just met on Friday!

So here I sit, an hour earlier than I was supposed to get up LOL because yet again the time change has thrown me off. I went down and explored again then realized the time and said to hell with it, I'm going to go blog before I forget any detail that happened this weekend. I miss my husband and I miss my kids, but I don't want to leave. I want to absorb and record every second of this weekend and cherish it. This has been an amazing weekend and today will be a full day of activities as it is our last day in Nashville before heading home tomorrow!

Day 71.....in the land of country music

I'm in Nashville!!! I'm in the most gorgeous hotel room, in the most beautiful hotel I've ever been in. At the moment I'm sitting in the Gaylord Opryland Hotel. It is the most spectacular place I have ever seen.......

What a day yesterday was! I wish my brain could  have recorded every second of the day on live because I wanted to soak it all up and record every part of it. I have met some of the coolest most awesome women so far and I'm already envisioning the tears on Monday when it's time to say goodbye! I know I have made new lifelong friends that I will stay connected with.

I'm up having my shake mix in my coffee. Let me just tell you, even though I practiced portion control last night, I did partake in every part of the meal but it was probably the nicest meal that I have ever eat. We were given an envelope full of cash upon our arrival to cover our lunch expense since we got here early. So I opted for a slice of vegetarian pizza and ate about half. I've been sucking down the water to ensure that I stay hydrated. Plus taking my oscillium stuff so I don't get sick. LOL Dinner was a different story. It was an already decided course, but we got to choose our main entree. I chose the filet mignon. OMG YUMMY!!!! It was like a 5 course meal and it was so delicious but I had a little bit of everything, but didn't clear my plate. I was pleasantly full but not overstuffed. I did check out the gym facilities and plan on hitting them tomorrow when we have free time, but today is going to be action packed so i may not have time to hit it today.

I'm surrounded by an amazing group of women, in an amazing place and this is the craziest experience. Words can't describe this experience. That a group of people would go to such lengths to take care of ME!

So here is to another busy emotional day.................

Day 70........leaving on a jet plane.....

So here I am, sitting at Tampa International Airport waiting for my flight to Nashville for my all-expenses paid weekend retreat with the wounded warriors caregivers!

I have spent the last 2 days full of nerves and emotions. I can honestly say that I have NEVER been away from my family for any amount of time to take care of ME! I packed my suitcase about 3 times yesterday and I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Thinking I might have forgotten something and realizing I was way overthinking packing for this trip. But after about the 3rd time I realized I needed to focus on having fun and just letting go so I got everything packed......(i hope!)

So goodbye's this morning were tortuous.......I woke up this morning almost in tears knowing I had to say goodbye to my family. Emmy was already dreading going to school because she would be teary eyed. Jaden didn't seem phased by it at all and Josh asked why I was crying when I went to hug him this morning. I got one last picture of Damon and I as he was dropping me off at the airport. I'm a firm believer of getting those memories in because you never know when your next breath is going to be your last. Now that I'm here and checked in, my nerves are calming and I'm getting excited about the trip. I will miss the happy chaos that occurs in my house on a daily basis, but I need this weekend too. I need to learn to take care of myself better and to learn to let go of my daily stressors of being a caregiver.

So let me just say that getting through security........WOW......what an experience that was. I was envisioning the body scanner alerting everyone in the airport that this chick still needs to shed some fat LOL. But no, I only had to get a pat down because I had forgotten that I had a tube of chapstick in my pocket. But I had to take my shoes off and take everything out of my carry-on. What a chore. I'm just thankful that there were no long lines and it gave me plenty of time to get through the line and sit and do my blog.........now I sit, typing this and people watching. Some interesting characters come and go through the airport.......LOL I've already been chatted up by a gentleman heading to Puerto Rico to get a tattoo of the new Yankee stadium and a woman with 15 grandchildren, also witnessed a woman getting a full makeover in the ladies restroom. :) Got to love people watching.

So here's hoping that my flight is uneventful, meaning it stays IN THE AIR and that my pilots are alert, awake and not intoxicated. I will miss my husband, my kids and my dogs, but maybe I can come home with a new look at things and be grateful that my husband is not in worse shape than he is.

Yes, I had my shake this morning along with a whole wheat bagel and cream cheese, eating some cashews and drinking some water, Hoping that this weekend will have some healthy choices for eating......will try to update later......