Day 65............Are you an Oak tree or a weed???

Hopefully I can make today's blog come together with a message and not just a bunch of ramblings. I'm not known for eloquent writing skills and I try to avoid any use of APA format writing. I despise it. :)

So we attended our new church again this morning and each Sunday the message hits home for me in regards to my journey with my weight loss. I think any message that hits home can be applied to many aspects of our life so I will try to explain it as I understood it.

Do you ever notice how EASY it is to "wander" into bad choices? How easy it is to wander into the fridge or the pantry to that bag of oreos or that bag of chips? Ever wonder why you can't just "wander" out of those bad choices? Of course it is easy to make bad choices. We are mental beings, we think with our  hearts and our emotions so it's easy when we get upset and down that we reach for those "comfort" foods and try to comfort ourselves. However, it's not so easy to wonder back out of those choices. It's hard work to make yourself go to the gym, make healthier choices and really live everyday trying to improve your mind and body. I never realized just how hard it is. I thought it would come easy. It takes dedication and devotion to take the path less traveled, to get up and off the couch and to sweat. It takes discipline to see change through.......

Think about it.........if you plant an oak tree, does it grow overnight? Nope........you can watch it everyday, you can water it everyday but it's still not going to grow overnight or in a matter of days or weeks. It takes time, patience and lots of waiting. When the oak tree is full grown, that oak tree is strong and solid and doesn't bend or sway. Now think about a weed. They pop up daily, we can pull them or spray them and they go away quick. You see them one minute and then they are gone. Now let's apply this to weight loss. Think of your body in this way........as an oak tree........if you water your body and feed it good, nutritious, healthy food, add in some exercise.....your body will grow strong and the weight will come off. Will it do this overnight or in a matter of days or weeks? No.......no matter how many times you step on that scale, no matter how many times you look in the mirror you won't see the change. Only time, patience, dedication and devotion will let that change happen. That is how the oak tree stands the test of time and that's how our body will keep weight off. Slow and steady, over time and in a healthy way. Now think of your body and every "lose weight quick" gimmick that is on the market. Sure you can take a pill or a drink that guarantees you will lose weight in 10 days and you just might........but think back to weeds.......you pull the weed and the next day there is another one in it's place. So just like that weed, you get rid of fat quick and in 10 days.......guess what.......it will come right back! Why do we want to treat our bodies like weeds instead of nourishing them like big strong oak trees? Because we want EASY! We are all guilty of it, we want that instant gratification without having to do the work to get to our end goal. It won't work! You will find that you will continue to fail at every turn.........

Change is not quick! When are we going to get that through our thick heads???? Did we go to bed yesterday a size 6 (just an example) and wake up a size 18? I don't think so..........so why do we think that we can go to bed a size 18 and wake up a size 6? Or even let a couple weeks or a month go by and expect amazing results? It took many months and sometimes even years to put on the weight we did, at least I know that is the case for me. We can't sit around waiting for our circumstances to change, we have to make the conscientious decision to get up and make that change! We are the only ones that can save ourselves!

Back to last weeks message.....we have to work hard to accrue our ENOUGH! Meaning you have to do what it takes to ensure that your oak tree (your body) is getting what it needs to be strong! If we don't start being accountable for the choices we make we must all realize and recognize what may come from wandering into those bad choices.....a body that we can't stand to look at in the mirror and a self-image that we hate.

So how do you change it? Start with the smallest step...........make the decision for YOURSELF that you want to be better. That you want to be healthier, not just that you want to be "skinny". I find "skinny" overrated! I have not set a certain size or a scale number for myself because I don't know where my body wants to be. I don't think I have ever been truly healthy, with the exception of straight out of boot camp but that was mostly running and pushups.....not building lean muscle like I am now. From there it was all downhill. So I will not put a label or limits on myself and see how far I can go. I don't know where my body wants to be at, but I'll keep going and see where the wind takes me. But like the oak tree, I will stand strong....unswaying. You can't get out of the hole you are in if your still digging it!!! So stop digging, lay down the shovel.......plant the seed of your oak tree........start watering and nourishing that seed (your body) and be patient! That oak tree will change and grow (and the weight will come off along with inches)! It's important to remember that this challenge is not about "getting skinny" or just "losing weight". It's about making a permanent lifestyle change to make you the best and healthiest YOU that you can be. We owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be. We owe it to our friends and family to be around for the memories in life that we shouldn't miss out on because we are too "fat" to enjoy them! So get up, get active and let  your oak tree grow!!!

Day 64........FED up with BAD choices!

Well, it's only been a few days since my last blog but this week has been rough! I don't know if it's the weather, the season change or what but this week was pretty much shot!

I only made it to the gym twice and it seemed to be a week full of bad eating choices. Some single serving sizes of pringles, a small pack of oreos, dinner out (even though it was a healthy choice for a restaurant), not eating enough healthy snacks, not enough water and I feel like CRUD! My energy levels have been low and I have been really tired. Again, this is what happens when you don't give your body what it craves and wants. This is what happens when your mind steps in and says "it's ok, I can work that pack of oreos of later". Well I'm paying for it now. The scale has gone up a little bit and I'm feeling it. Either way I have to do better this week. I know these days and weeks are going to happen but there is NO EXCUSE for this kind of mindless bad choices.

I wish that this journey would get easier and that making good choices would just come second nature but it seems that when life gets busy or chaotic, easy is the way to go. It may seem good at the time but it's so not what I need to do.

My mind has been full of all kinds of things. I have my trip coming up this upcoming weekend and I'm nervous and anxious about that. I haven't flown in 5 years and the thought of getting on a plane by myself and going away from my family freaks me out. I am looking forward to getting away for a break but I'm nervous too. Home school is on my mind all the time because it takes so much of my time. What a chore it is, but I know it's for the best...........that is another blog in itself. My race is coming up too and I've not been training like I planned I would be. Running is NOT fun and I just cannot get motivated to hit the pavement like I need to be. I am hoping that this week I can up my gym time and really knock it out of the park because I know my trip this weekend will be full of wonderful yummy food that will probably not be that good for me. I don't know what the weekend will include, and even though I'm bringing my shakes and plan on using the gym facilities while there.......I don't want to blow all my hard work.

Maybe I needed this week to get me back on track and kick things into gear. Maybe jump start my body to get rid of some more pounds..........this seems to be an endless struggle and I'm hoping that I can be enlightened soon as to the answer that I so desperately need to find!

Here's to a better week!!!

Changes................

 October 21, 2012 @ 164 lbs wearing a size 11 for the first time since my wedding day!!

 A compilation of some pictures from day 1 of my first challenge, March 2, 2012 to day 58 of my third challenge, October 21, 2012. A weight difference of 44lbs and almost 50 inches! I started in a size 18, wearing an XL pants and shirt. Now wearing a size 11 and size L shirts and pants! Never give up and never stop believing in yourself! I was the biggest skeptic and I had given up on myself. I never thought I would see myself in a size 11 again!

Day 59.....what is "enough"???

The last couple of weeks have been full of self-realization for me as I have heard some messages and really applied them to my journey and certain aspects of my life.

 I am trying to learn to live within my "enough" and to not strive for "too much". What does this mean? 

Instead of always trying so hard to do so much and have everything that I think I need or want, maybe I should appreciate where I'm at in my life and what I do have. Let me apply this to my weight loss journey. If I can't appreciate where I started and how far I have come (my enough), then how can I move forward and continue to challenge myself without getting lost in wanting "too much" (wanting to lose weight faster, wanting to get into smaller clothes quicker, wanting this to happen YESTERDAY). I'm not saying that I should stop or slow down and revert back to crap eating or stop exercising, I'm saying that I should really take a hard look at where I started, why I started this journey and how far I have REALLY come........that I have come so far and that it is ENOUGH!!! If my life ended tomorrow, would I be proud of myself? Would my family and friends be proud of me? Or would they say "well she could have lost 5 more pounds?" NO! They would be proud of how far I have come and be inspired by what I have done. 

So I have to say I have done ENOUGH now and keep moving on. I have to be satisfied with my progress, no looking back and second guessing mistakes I made and bad choices I made.......I must keep bettering myself so that I can keep continuing to learn to live within my "enough" everyday. I don't need to be in a size 6, I don't need to be a body builder, I don't need to have all those things........sometimes "too much" is a bad thing. As long as I am happy with myself and what I have done and at the end of the day I can say I am content with my choices and I am happy with my "enough", then I can move forward.........

The other message I have tried to apply to my life is that without really taking a look at myself, honestly..........even with the best directions, maps, a road paved in gold......if I'm not at the right starting point, I will NEVER get to the my end goal! Unless I admit to myself that I need to change myself and my habits and start at the right place, then all the directions, tips, help, etc will not get me to where I need to be. I will keep straying off that path and getting lost. Then asking myself why do I keep failing?? I think it's the hardest to be honest with yourself. We can all lie to others and to ourselves and make excuses as to why we can't do something and make it sound good in our heads.....but we are only hurting ourselves......then we want to blame everyone but ourselves when something doesn't work out the way we want. We have to change ourselves, then the path we walk can be so much easier.

Desire...........this is a must for change. You have to WANT to change

Decide..........this is your follow through. It may seem easy the first couple of days. You are excited, you go buy new shoes, new gym clothes, get your music downloaded on your playlist and you are ready to KICK ASS.........day 1 and 2 come and go and then BAM........you hit that proverbial wall and you say "nah.......i don't feel like it today" and then the ball rolls and rolls until you are sitting on the couch again and your gym shoes are collecting dust........

Dedication........this is probably the HARDEST part of breaking free of the things that hold you back. desire and deciding to change your life are easy, it's new and exciting and you can already see you rocking out that new bikini but the dedication it takes to get into that new bikini is a lot harder than you ever imagined. This is where you have to dig deep and push yourself harder than you ever have before, BUT it's a delicate balance when trying to live within your "enough" and trying not to do "too much". You don't have to train 7 days a week and never eat crap..............everything in moderation......eat healthy, splurge on occasion, exercise 3-4 times a week and work hard when you do work at it. If you want to do more, then do but be happy with your ENOUGH. Be proud of where you started and that you took that first step to make the change and be proud of your dedication to get to where you are RIGHT NOW!!!

NO MORE LOOKING BACK!!! CHIN UP, positive mental attitude, let's learn to live within our "enough" and let's break free from those things that hold us back. 

I know for me, most of the last 6 months I have woken up thinking about weight loss and gone to sleep thinking about weight loss. It has taken over my life and my every waking thought! This is "TOO MUCH". Instead of learning to be "ENOUGH" that I made healthy food changes and go to the gym many times during the week and have personal training, I beat myself up on a daily basis. See where this is bad? I derail my own success by striving for TOO MUCH!! 

So I'm learning to try to be happy with my "enough" and learning to be proud of how far I have come!!

Day 56.........zombies.........brains.........

Well.....my blogs have not been very good about being up to date.......I call it life. :P

Let's see......

Today my weight is at 164.1 pound. That is down 13lbs in 56 days, not too bad. Still not sure on inches lost because I can never seem to measure my inches right so I just rely on the trainer to do measurements monthly. I'm almost into my size 11's, they are fitting better but not like I want them to. I am feeling smaller, leaner and it sucks to sit on something hard. I have lost a lot of cushion on my behind so it makes sitting for long periods of time that much harder.

BIG NEWS!!!

I am officially running my first 5K on November 17th, 2012. I chose the zombie run/obstacle course for my first time out. I'm scared, nervous, excited, and all kind of other emotions that haven't hit me yet. I started training last week and the first day I tried running 3 miles right out the gate and what a mistake that was. I was able to run 2.6 miles but the next day I felt like my hips had been torn out by zombies and my knee was mangled.....LOL..........

So now I have started trying to run every other day, alternating run/walk on the treadmill and doing the elliptical. My trainer has made my sessions extremely hard and difficult but even though I hate him during those sessions, I know he is pushing my body to limits I never thought I would be at! I will be upping my sessions to 2 days a week very soon and I hope and pray that I will be physically and mentally ready when race day arrives!

My thoughts are kind of jumbled.........apologies for the writing/lack of skills in the last few blogs, but i can't seem to get my thoughts together. Lots of my mind......the zombie race, the caregiver retreat weekend in a couple weeks, Josh's homeschool, finances, etc......you know........LIFE..........

CHEERS!

Day 47.........so much to think about...

Today is day 47 and I'm about halfway through my challenge..........where has the time gone? Doesn't seem possible that it's gone as fast as it has........this challenge has yet again been full of ups and downs and a roller coaster of emotions!

I am consecutively getting into the gym 3 days a week. 1 of those days is devoted to a 30 minute personal training session with a trainer. He has been slowly incorporating cross-fit into my sessions over the last month until my sessions are almost entirely all cross-fit training. Wow! What an intense, insane, crazy, maddening workout! There is no down time in between exercises, high intensity cardio and it really makes the sweat pour. I usually come home from these sessions exhausted mentally and physically and spend about 15 minutes collapsed on the floor. I can only imagine this is what insanity and the P90X series is like. Day after sessions like this leave me walking a little slower and feeling pain where I normally don't. All I can say is my ass better be hard enough to chisel off of after all this!! :) I usually take Tuesdays and Thursdays off in between unless I feel really motivated and Wednesdays and Fridays are devoted to cardio. At least 45 minutes on the elliptical. My ultimate goal is to be able to run a 5K. I despise every aspect of running so this will be a HUGE and DAUNTING task for me. I am able to now knock out 3 miles in my 45 minutes at the gym on these days and I feel exhausted and sweaty afterwards.

I am still working on the eating every 2 hours. Some days I have success and others I don't. I am still successfully getting my 2 shakes a day in and I faithfully drink my cup of coffee EVERY morning with my new favorite creamer of the holiday season, Smores. :) Yes it's my indulgence. But that is o.k. because we are allowed some things we love, in MODERATION. It's my only cup of the day and I only put creamer in it, no added sugar. My shakes mostly consist of frozen fruit and Tropicana 50 orange juice now. The juice is so much better than regular orange juice, about 50 calories for 8 oz and pretty good in sugar content. I am trying to snack on things like yogurt, string cheese, fruit, but I have still been craving meat and eggs. Not sure what this is about but my body is craving these things like mad. I did find a Lactose free, dairy free brand of cottage cheese and that was my snack for today, with some cut up tomatoes and a yogurt. I buy the drinkable activia strawberry yogurt. It definitely keeps me on the regular side. :) Last week I did eat at a buffet, BUT i did make healthier choices.....1 piece of baked chicken, veggies, sweet potato (not the candied variety yuck...) and for dessert I had chocolate pudding. I'm sure it was better than the chocolate mousse cake they had offered up. :) We did eat out a few times, but I'm making healthier choices and making it count.

So I think with the combination of the added cardio, the cross fit training, and trying to eat healthier......the numbers are still going down.......the weight hasn't fluctuated as much as I would like to see, BUT the inches are still going down and I bought a size 11 (even though it's still a little snug with some hang over, but I will get into it). When measurements were done on Monday at the gym, my body fat percentage finally dropped from 34% down to 32.4%. It was hovering at 34% for the last 3 months. So there is success, but my body is changing. It seems it's constantly changing and transforming. I'll take it.

Small steps lead to bigger successes.........keep working at your goals and keep challenging yourselves and be positive. Turn the negative in your lives into something positive and believe that you can do whatever you will yourself to do! Happy HEALTHY eating!!!

Day 40.........the drought is over???????

I know, I know.....my daily blogging is not happening like I expected........what can I say.......life gets busy.........I have kids, I am a caregiver for my wounded warrior spouse with RSD and I have duties as mom, launderer, chef, lunch packer, teacher, counselor, blah blah blah.........you get the point....

I am doing well on my challenge, I think. I am really working on the gym thing, doing better than I have in months. I am succeeding in getting to the gym 3-4 days a week and twice in the last couple of weeks I have been able to knock out 3 miles on the elliptical in about 45 minutes! This is a huge accomplishment for me, considering in July I was able to do about 5 minutes and be completely exhausted. My training sessions are getting way harder now and I think it's because my trainer is incorporating his new cross fit certification into my workouts. :) It's brutal but I love what it's doing to my body. I leave the gym exhausted!

Now to the eating. I'm not eating every 2 hours like I should be, but I'm doing my 2 shakes a day and I've found that my favorite shakes are the tropical smoothy ones. OJ, almond milk and a mix of frozen fruit all blended in my ninja, it's like heaven in my mouth...........I have been really craving meat so my body is craving protein........

The other great thing........i had to take another batch of clothes back to my favorite store today to exchange them because they are all too big again.......and just for shits and giggles I tried on a size 11!!! It fits!!! OMG...........ok, well it's snug and I have a little hanging over the top BUT in a couple weeks it should be fitting comfortably! I have not been in a size 11 since my wedding day! How exciting is this!!! I never thought I'd see a size 11 again.........

So keep at it friends, every baby step leads to bigger progress and bigger changes...........